Warning: if you think eating baby animals is evil, you will be appalled by this story.
I went to an unusual dinner party on Friday night. It was supposed to be a birthday treat for a girl we are friends with. The thing that made this dinner unusual was that it had a special theme: a medieval feast.
The restaurant that organised this party had obviously gone to a lot of trouble to create an authentic medieval dining experience. Hay was strewn all over the large wooden table as decoration and the crockery consisted of heavy ceramic bowls and cups. Instead of modern metal spoons, thick wooden spoons awaited those who were keen to try the soup.
The entree itself was very generous, consisting of strings of sausages, large slices of salami and freshly-cut onions, tomatoes, carrots and radish that you could eat as much or as little of as you pleased. Then came the giant pot of soup, filled with deliciously greasy chunks of meat, potatoes, carrots and barley.
And then... the spectacular main course: a whole piglet roasted to perfection. It came complete with a head and tail, which were just as beautifully baked as the rest of it.
I was slightly shocked and reluctant. This was the first time in my life that I was being confronted with an entire animal served as a meal. I looked at the piglet's closed eyes and pointy little ears and thought, "The poor thing..."
I then leaned over to my boyfriend and whispered, "How do they kill them? Not brutally, I hope!"
To which he replied, "Don't worry -- they are quickly and painlessly electrocuted. Other methods are illegal in Germany."
Before I could hesitate any longer, a sizeable chunk of the piglet was placed on my plate, its tempting aroma wafting up to my nostrils and awakening the merciless carnivore inside me. "Dig in!", someone next to me enthused.
All of a sudden, my mouth was filled with a tender, juicy, delicious piece of meat. As I chewed and swallowed with pleasure, the piglet's cruel fate was a distant memory somewhere beyond the horizon. "Give me more pig meat!”, I commanded with a grin.
As we continued to devour the piglet (together with its skin, which tasted exactly like crunchy fried bacon), I felt like a happy savage at a true medieval feast. Kudos to the restaurant for creating such an authentic experience.
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Clear, detailed instructions are great thing, aren't they? Well, yes -- as long as they don't insult your intelligence.
Germans love instructions -- clear, detailed instructions. Because instructions make things run efficiently. And because instructions prevent people from being able to use the "I didn't know" excuse when they do something wrong. For this reason, there are a lot of signs in public places (such as parks, train stations, you name it) telling you what to do and what not to do. Most of the time they are actually quite useful, but sometimes... well... just consider the example described below.
I went to a public indoor swimming pool in Bonn one day. In the ladies' changeroom I noticed a sign on the wall that contained complete instructions for what to do before and after swimming. The "after" part contained instructions that sounded something like this:
"At home: Wash your towel and rinse your swimming costume. Hang everything out to dry."
What a stunning example of wasting space with something that 99% of people with an IQ above 80 would already know. I was speechless.
My boyfriend tried to defend the poor sign-writer's case with something along the lines of: "Hey, remember that most Germans do not come from a beach-culture city like Sydney. Swimming might be something they only do occasionally, so these instructions might not be 100% obvious to them."
Well, I only have one response to that: rubbish.
Here is my logic:
That particular pool ain't no kiddie pool -- therefore you can safely assume that practically everyone who goes there knows how to swim. And just the fact that they know how to swim indicates that they have already swum quite a few times in their life. And even a few times are enough to know exactly what to with your togs and towel once your bathing experience is over. What's more, this is a first-world country for goodness sake.
Good old Germans and their instructions... *sigh* Then again, I guess it's nice to see that even the least bright individuals are catered for in this society. Isn't that what caring and tolerance are all about after all?
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