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Lots of Germans seem to think that their country is the Land of Politeness. Alas, this is certainly not true, as there is plenty of rudeness to be found here. Take buses, for example.

But before I go any further, here's a little common sense quiz.

If you have a standard double bus seat at your disposal (as pictured above), where is it logical to sit?

A) Next to the window, thereby leaving the aisle seat free for someone else to take.
B) Next to the aisle, thereby obstructing the passage to the empty window seat and making people feel guilty for wanting to sit next to you.

In an amazing display if stubbornness and lack of manners, a great number of Germans -- whom I like to call the Dreaded Seat Hoggers -- choose option B. This behaviour can be seen in men, women, young and old alike. By occupying the aisle seat, they make a clear "Sit next to me only if you really must" statement, which, sadly, seems to be effective, considering how many times I've seen empty window seats on crowded buses.

Of course, there are some brave individuals out there who dare to disturb the Seat Hogger's peace by asking to sit next to them. But how do you think the typical German Seat Hogger reacts in such a situation? By moving over perhaps? NEIN! They typically just nod grudgingly to indicate that the adjacent seat is indeed free to take, and continue to sit in an obstructive position while the brave individual steps over their legs.


In the worst case scenario, the Seat Hogger puts their jacket/handbag/shopping on the free window seat next to them, thereby strongly discouraging any potential invasion of their hogged space.

Apart from the Seat Hogger, another notorious creature often found on German buses is the Aisle Hogger. These selfish human beings seem to think that it's perfectly acceptable to continue standing close to the bus doors even if a large number of people is trying to squeeze onto the same bus. They simply won't move further down the aisle to make room for the new passengers. Ever.

Why are so many people so rude? I mean, I learnt my moving-down-the-aisle manners way back on the school bus. It really ain't so hard.
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The joys of public nudity

February 12th 2009 15:34


Last Friday night I finally mustered up the courage to try something I'd been hesitant to do for about a year: visit a German sauna. My boyfriend and one of our male friends had been nagging me to come along with them for ages, but I didn't have the guts to do it. And why, you ask?

You see, German sauna complexes are unique in one special way: they are mixed gender, and no clothing whatsoever is allowed to be worn inside. As far as I know, not even super-liberal Scandinavia has unisex public saunas of this kind, so it's something truly rare.

So you can imagine the mental struggle that I had to endure: burning curiosity mixed with awkward visions of suddenly sitting nude in the company of our equally-nude male friend, having a casual chit-chat about the weather like everything's totally normal. In the end, though, my curiosity won (as tends to be the case with me), and I went.

Amazingly, I adjusted rather quickly and painlessly to this weird, new environment. And very soon I became rather indifferent to everything around me, regardless of how many breasts and private parts I pretended not to see (I am blessed with good peripheral vision ). At first I just hung around with my boyfriend to get used to the place and checked out the various facilities -- steamy saunas, dry saunas, spa baths and a heated outdoor swimming pool. And in the end (after a beer and a strong shot) I was fine with the idea of sitting around together with my boyfriend and our friend, rubbing special salts into my skin and sweating like a pro.

Admittedly, there were a few moments where I did feel awkward. Like getting in and out of a hot tub occupied by four strange men. And considering that this hot tub was outdoors and that it was about zero degrees outside, there was more than just one odd thing about the whole situation. But I refused to let that trouble me, and actively stopped my brain from analysing whether it was weirder to have four naked men looking at my naked bottom, or to be naked and dripping with water in icy temperatures.

Final verdict? I would do it again! It's definitely a very relaxing and healthy way to spend the evening, or even a whole day. And naked people somehow all start looking the same after a while...
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The most pessimistic nation in Europe

December 4th 2008 17:42


Recently, new information from the 25th annual Data Report from the Social Science Research Centre revealed that Germans are more pessimistic about the future than other Europeans. Allegedly, their main worries are in relation to things like earnings, pensions and education.

What's more, the recent financial crisis didn't even play a role in these results, as the data comes mainly from 2006.

Now, why doesn't that surprise me?

Admittedly, not everything has been happy and rosy in the German economy in the last years, with the gap between the rich and poor steadily increasing.

However, I still had to smirk when I read this report, because I have seen with my own eyes what a bunch of whining malcontents Germans are.

They sure do enjoy making complaints about every aspect of life -- ranging from the weather to the fact that their friends pay 10 Euros less for their internet connection per month (and oh, what a tragedy that is!). It's like complaining is a national sport.

I've even met Germans who complain about the fact that Germans complain too much! Now that tells us something, doesn't it?
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Why I ate dinner in total darkness

November 16th 2008 17:10
The restaurant's name is a play on words. 'Unsichtbar' means 'invisible' in German, but the syllable 'bar' is emphasised to indicate the fact that it's an eatery.


For my birthday, my boyfriend took me on a surprise dinner date to Unsicht-Bar -- the relatively famous restaurant where you eat in complete darkness. Yes, complete darkness. What makes it even cooler is that all the waiters who work there are blind, so it's a fantastic employment opportunity for blind people, as well as an environment where they are superior to normal people.

Your waiter leads you in by the hand, shows you to your table, and then the fun begins. You enjoy your pre-chosen four-course menu, trying to guess what you are eating (the descriptions are cryptic and vague on purpose), while secretly using your fingers as an auxiliary utensil, knowing that other people are probably doing the same thing, though no-one wants to admit to it. You have to lean forward a bit more than normal and poke around on your plate to confirm that you've eaten everything, but overall it's much easier than you probably imagined. In fact, soup was really easy to eat in complete darkness, which rather surprised me.

Your senses of taste and hearing become more acute. You find it easier to make conversation with the people sitting next to you, especially since you don't get the chance to judge them on their appearance. And, after a while, you can even perhaps forget that you can't see anything, which at least was the case with me. My imagination automatically replaced the lack of vision of everything around me, so I was still "seeing" everything in my mind. And, amazingly, after 40 minutes I almost forgot that I couldn't see.

It was a great experience overall -- and amusing at the end, when I found out that the people who had been sitting next to me actually looked nothing like I imagined them too look. They were far less attractive than I had expected.

It's amazing how we can judge people on their voices.

*****
Note to those who have a craving for some food in the dark: there are three of these restaurants in Germany -- one in Berlin, one in Cologne, and one in Hamburg.
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German sense of "fashion"

August 7th 2008 17:04


Why is it that Germans are not known for their great dress sense? Maybe it's because they don't have a great dress sense. Simple, huh?

This, of course, is a generalisation, because in every country you will find people who wear awful clothes. However, there are certain questionable clothing trends that seem far more prevelant in Germany than in other western countries I've been to.

Take the concept of "double denim" for example. Now isn't that something that was cool in the 80s? Would any fashion magazine (or even an ordinary clothes shop) promote a single combination of denim pants and jacket these days? No. And yet, you will see thousands of Germans walking around wearing just that -- even though this is one of the wealthiest countries in the world.

What's also amazing about this phenomenon is that here in Germany itself shops and magazines do not promote this way of dressing. You can find lots of normal, trendy, up-to-date clothing in the local stores. This implies that there's some weird 80s-time-warp mentality that plagues the population for some unknown reason.

Before you get really scared, the good news is that the "double denim" people are still a minority -- though a slightly bigger minority than you might expect. The majority is at least remotely in sync with current mainstream fashion (well, except for the tendency to wear office-style outfits on weekends and at birthday parties, and except for the daggy sandals-and-socks combo, but I won't get into all that right now... ).

(The stunning image above is courtesy of my friend Cheryl Northey. She takes great delight in photographically documenting atrocious fashion crimes.)
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Secret crushes... German style

May 25th 2008 21:01
A typical Maibaum


Maybe I'm writing this post a bit late, but it's still relevant because the merry month of May hasn't ended yet.

In Germany, May means spring. It also means putting up a "Maibaum" or "May tree", especially if you're a young man.

What is a May tree, you ask?

Without explaining the ENTIRE tradition -- as it has a few different varieties across the different regions -- I will just focus on explaining the one I observed in our part of Germany, i.e. the city of Bonn.

On the 1st of May I noticed that all these small cut-down trees decorated with ribbons had suddenly popped up in front of random houses overnight. What on earth was that?

Apparently, on the last night of April, young men have the chance to show their feelings towards the girls they like. They cut down a smallish tree (usually a birch) and decorate it with colourful crepe-paper ribbons and a heart made of wood or cardboard with the name of the crush written on it. Then they prop the tree up against the house of the desired lady and... ta-da!... the girl should get the message.

A month later, the young bachelor is supposed to take down the tree he put up. At this point, if he's lucky, his crush will invite him out on a date... or give him a case of beer (hey, this IS Germany). Traditionally, he can also receive a cake from the crush's mother and a case of beer (damn, this tree really pays off!) from the father. And I suspect that after all this he'll be high on either love or booze... or both. Either way, it's not a bad deal.

Oh, and this tradition is not ONLY for secret crushes. Apparently, guys can dedicate the tree to their girlfriends -- just to show their feelings in that romantic, environmentally-unfriendly way. Also, during leap years, the situation is reversed and girls can give May trees to guys.

I haven't been living in Germany for very long, and I haven't personally received or given a May tree. Then again, I think giving one would be way better... because I could at least expect one case of beer in return.
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Is this too honest?

March 16th 2008 20:34


Today I wanted to attend a fun-sounding exhibition in Bonn, which was supposed to feature over 300 live reptiles (including freaky things like anacondas) and other scary creatures, such as scorpions and two-headed turtles.

Just before leaving I realised that I had no cash on me, so I walked all the way to town (exercise is always healthy after all) to withdraw some money. It was a grey and wet day, and as I was walking the rain intensified.

When I finally got to town, the ATM decided to make my life difficult. I technically had enough cash on my account to withdraw, but after allowing me to enter my pin and asking how much I wanted, it kept giving me the message that "due to a technical problem, this request cannot be processed. Please see one of our staff". Of course there is no staff present on Sundays, so I tried all the other ATMs in that branch, only to get the same weird message from all of them.

Anyway, with no money for the bus or for the entry fee, I quickly realised that there was nothing for me to do but go back home. It was raining cats and dogs -- not what you'd call a typical "spring shower", but rather a torrential downpour. I waited around for a bit, but it didn't ease, so I decided to just walk back home anyway. The tiny umbrella that I had with me was not really sufficient for such crazy precipitation.

Now, here is where the honesty part comes in. I COULD have just taken the bus home without a ticket to avoid getting wet. The risk of getting caught on a bus without a ticket in Germany is very low. BUT my nagging honest self somehow preferred to walk for 25 minutes in heavy rain instead of "robbing" the bus company of €1.50. I always get an incredible pang of guilt when I don't buy a ticket. This guilt is clearly more unpleasant to me than squelching, wet shoes.

As a result of my honesty, I got home feeling like a little rain cloud myself. Due to the small diameter of my umbrella, I'd had to make compromises such as "either my handbag gets soaked, or my left arm gets soaked". Naturally, it was my left arm that was dripping wet.

Anyway, there was a lot to hang out to dry. And I asked myself if all this was really worth not taking one unpaid bus ride. Am I crazy or am I just good? Or have I spent too long in rule-abiding German society to be capable of doing anything even slightly rebellious?
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Last Saturday (March 1, 2008), a huge low pressure storm system called Emma brought gale-force winds to Germany and Central Europe, causing widespread damage and killing several people. Most notably, it wreaked havoc on the nation's roads and railways, with fallen trees leading to numerous accidents.

In the wee hours of Saturday morning (at least not a working day for most!), winds of up to 222 kilometres per hour were recorded in some areas, including the Alps. They were accompanied by heavy showers throughout the country.

Luckily, living in the city of Bonn, I didn't get to experience much of this chaos, probably due to our sheltered lowland location. Nevertheless, my boyfriend and I were woken up at 3am by one massive clap of thunder (which, strangely, was not followed by any further thunder).

Anyway, what prompted me to write this post was the hair-raising footage I found on YouTube of a plane trying to land at Hamburg airport (northern Germany) in the midst of Emma's windy rage. It avoided catastrophe by only a narrow margin.

Click here to see the video of a plane trying to land at Hamburg airport

If you have a fear of flying, I recommend that you don't watch this!
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A piece of Japan

March 6th 2008 15:29
The Japanese district of Düsseldorf


I took a little trip to Düsseldorf this week -- a relatively large German city on the Rhine river. I went there with the intention of exploring the "Japanese area", since Düsseldorf has the third-largest Japanese community in Europe after London and Paris. Many Japanese companies and banks have their branches there.

The Japanese district is located only a few hundred metres from the main train station, centred around Immermann Straße. Once you're there, you suddenly feel like you've been teleported to Japan. Even the aromas inside the shops (not sure if it was the products or the people) immediately took me on a mental journey back to the time I spent in Tokyo.

I suddenly felt guilty for not being able to speak Japanese -- and like a total outsider. I walked into a local snack shop and the lady behind the counter greeted me with "ohayou gozaimasu", to which I stupidly replied "hallo!". (I actually DO know how to say "good morning" in Japanese, but I was scared she might think I can actually speak it. And THEN I would have felt like a moron.)

And I was simply overjoyed that I was able to purchase all the same weird and wacky edible stuff that I saw in Japan: ready-to-drink canned coffee, some odd nibble snacks with a shady-looking detective on the packaging, canned green tea, some exotic beer from northern Japan, coffee-flavoured chewing gum and, last but not least, a corn-soup-flavoured snack bar (!).

As you can clearly see, it was worth the trip. At least now I know where to go when I want a nostalgic experience that reminds me of the month I spent working in Tokyo.

Just on a side note -- that area is probably the only place outside of Berlin where you can buy Berlin souvenirs. I am guessing that those Japanese businessmen have such busy schedules that they need a convenient location where they can purchase trinkets from all parts of Germany without actually having to travel there.
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What is your favourite airline?

March 2nd 2008 18:24


Mine's NOT Lufthansa, that's for sure.

I returned to Germany a couple of weeks ago after a pleasant summer visit to my hometown, Sydney. On my long journey back to Europe I flew with Lufthansa (the German airline) from Singapore to Frankfurt for the second time in my life. And I was surprised and disappointed to find that (four years after the last time I flew them), the plane STILL didn't have personal screens and a personal entertainment system for every passenger in economy class. Instead, small and widely separated screens hung high above the aisle, showing some dull nature documentaries that practically no-one was watching.

Now, I might sound like some kind of spoilt, whinging brat, but after numerous journeys across the world I have a very firm opinion that a good entertainment system on a plane plays a great role in making a 13-hour flight a lot more pleasant.

After an exhausting day/night of packing your suitcase and a stressful check-in queue at the airport (not to mention teary farewells), there is nothing nicer than sinking into your plane seat and relaxing with a good movie. Alas, this time I did not have this opportunity.

And how about Lufthansa's in-flight magazine? Dull as powder. Even the safety instruction sheet was a more exciting read. This was yet another disappointment, because I am always keen to devour a good in-flight mag from cover to cover. However, in this particular instance, I got from cover to cover in about 30 seconds, after not finding a single article that caught my attention. Yawn.

To top everything off, I woke up groggy and with a queasy stomach two hours before landing, only to be greeted with a breakfast that included a seemingly artificial (or repeatedly reconstituted) sausage, which forced me to slam the aluminium lid back in horror.

Poor Lufthansa. I'm being so mean. To be fair, I can admit that the flight attendants were very friendly, which is at least something positive.

And what are my favourite airlines, you ask? I haven't flown with all the airlines in the world, of course, but from the ones I have, here are the highlights:

ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM:
Qantas and Scandinavian Airlines
FOOD:
Thai Airways and Scandinavian Airlines
SERVICE:
Singapore Airlines and Scandinavian Airlines
IN-FLIGHT MAGAZINE:
Scandinavian Airlines ("Scanorama") -- best by far!

OK, there is obviously a recurring name in there. And you have probably guessed what my favourite airline is by now. And maybe this airline is one of the reasons why I prefer to enter Europe through Denmark.

After all, where else can you enjoy a delicious smoked-reindeer wrap in the middle of the night (while most of the other passengers are asleep), served by a smiling stewardess who comes around one hour later and also gives you chocolates? That's Scandinavian service for you!
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